I honestly don’t know how to write this one, girl. I’ve been trying. There’s so much that I want to say, but how can I ever express something that’s beyond words? You’re my Haybales. That’s it, that’s all there is to it. I can’t make it mean any more than that. But here I am, trying to explain so the rest of the world can see just how phenemonal you are.

Your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left side brains, I knew I wouldn’t forget ya, and so I went and let you blow my mind… I knew when we collided, you’re the one I have decided, who’s ONE OF MY KIND… hey, soul sister!

I genuinely feel that I could come to you with anything. Anything in the world, my deepest, darkest secrets. I could wind up murdering Paul the Fucking Octopus and be running from all kinds of governments, and I could still come to you. I know that whatever it is, it would be okay. You’d be like, “okay, that’s kinda creepy, ngl….” but then you’d follow it up with “so what are we gonna do about this?” And that is amazing. That is AMAZING. That’s phenomenal for someone I’ve only really been close to for a few months, but girl, it’s honestly like somebody split my soul and my brain in two and transplanted them in another body on the other side of the world. We are the same person. There’s so much darkness in our lives, and we know that we share that, and it’s okay. It’s not even something we have to talk about.. we share it. it’s there. it will be okay.

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, you don’t know how lovely you are.. I had to find you, tell I need ya, tell you I set you apart.. so tell me your secrets and ask me your questions and oh lets go back to the start.. running in circles, chasing our tails, heads on a science apart.

I really do think our crazy plan will come true, you know. You will marry Binbons, for the simple fact that there’s nobody else in this entire world who is good enough for you. Nobody else. You are the smartest and the funniest and the kindest and the strongest woman in the world. No, not even the strongest woman, just the strongest person. I adore you. You have strength beyond what I could ever possibly dream to write down. You’re superhuman. You’re something beyond this world. You’ve been so through so much, and you’re going through so much, and you just.. you’re just you. You haven’t let it change you, you’ve risen up, you’re stronger than ever, and I am so fucking proud of you. I am SO PROUD OF YOU.

Please don’t cry one tear for me, I’m not afraid, of what I have to say.. this is my one and only voice, so listen close, it’s only for today.. I just saw Haleys comet she waved, said why you always running in place? Even the man in the moon disappeared, somewhere in the stratosphere..

Partially because I couldn’t resist, but mainly because this song is about standing up for yourself. It’s about doing something that you know will be hard, that your family won’t agree with, or support, but having to do it for yourself.. because it’s your life. And you’ve done that. You’ve done the hardest thing in the world. You changed your life. Do not ever let anybody tell you that that is not your greatest achievement, that you are not beyond amazing for that, because I swear to God you are.

If all the flowers faded away, if all the storm clouds decided to stay.. then you would find me, each hour the same, she is tomorrow and I am today.. ’cause if right is leaving, I’d rather be wrong.. she is the sunlight.

I can’t believe how much you’ve changed not only me, but my life, in a few months of internet conversation. I see things in my day to day life now, and I think, “Haley’s gonna love that!”. I call you one of my best friends, because it’s true. I can’t believe that I knew you all this time and we were never friends and then we bond over Binbons and this giant massive world changing friendship blooms. I will always love Binbons for that. And I will always love you for reminding me that there are people out there who have the ability to change your world. You’ll never know just how much I needed your friendship at that point, and you gave it to me, without question or hesitation. You made me believe that this was all worth it, you gave me so much laughter when my real life was filled with nothing but tears. There aren’t words for that.

I am the white dove for a soldier, ever marching as to war, I would give my life to save you, I stand guarded at your door. I give you all that I am… I am the one winged bird for flying, sinking quickly to the ground.. I’m a blind man for a watch dog, I am primed for giving in.. I’ll show you all that I am.. and I breathe so you breathe.. let me stand so you stand.. with all that I am.

I’ve always been a dreamer. I used to dream about going to Holland. I used to dream about finding the perfect guy (which I have, Ian), and lately my dream has been travelling around the world. Seeing more than Holland, but now that dreams changed. My dream now is that I HAVE to meet you. We all have to meet, because we are just far too fucking epic to not. I love you so much. You’ve got no idea. And if you ever need anything, I am here. I can’t tell you that enough. I am right here. Nothing will ever make me go away.

The first is for Ashley.

“Beautiful – like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain, beautiful – like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break, beautiful – like the joy that comes when the love you’ve longed for has just begun, beautiful – making everything brand new.. beautiful you.”

I fully believe that people ought to tell each other how much they care about each other. The word “love” is sadly under used.. people don’t tell each other how they feel, they don’t open up and express their emotions, and they act like the word love is something that should be reserved for one person, for a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, instead of used and given to all the people you truly DO love. And I might not have known you for very long, but hell, girl, I love the heck out of you. And this is why.

“When you say love, oh, is a simple chemical reaction.. can’t say I agree, ’cause my chemicals left me a beautiful disaster, still love’s all I see.”

You’re so full of love. You’re boy crazy, and I adore it. I adore how open you are, how joyful you are, and how much you throw your heart into things. You don’t live life on the sidelines, scared of what’s going to happen if you throw your heart in – you acknowledge that you could be broken, but you go ahead and jump right in anyway. Do you have any idea how brave that is? It’s unbelievable. You’re so passionate and giving. You let people into your heart, and that’s kind of amazing. You let me and the girls into your heart, and I can’t even thank you enough for that.

“Like autumn turns leaves, winter will breathe, cold on our necks, snow in our paths. Wherever she goes, all that I know about us is that beautiful things never last… that’s why fireflies flash.”

You truly are an individual. You’re so different from everyone else, you’re funny, witty, spunky – girl, you’re truly fierce! You’re giving, and loving, and just amazing. You shine so brightly, and you transfer that light to everyone around you – you have the rare ability to make people feel completely at ease, and even more amazingly: you have the ability to make people feel like they matter. You make people feel important.

“There’s some things we don’t talk about, rather do without, and just hold the smile… falling in and out of love, ashamed and proud of, together all the while.. you can never say never, why we don’t know when, time and time again, younger now than we were before.”

I may have just met you, but girl, I already can’t imagine not knowing you. Life may tear us apart from time to time, but I can promise you, if you ever need someone I am one hundred and fifty percent here. I love your guts.

________________________________________________________________________________

“There was such a calmness about the place. I would spend time there, and I would be happy. I know that it wasn’t perfect, and assuming it was was a mistake on my part, but for the time I spent there, it seemed as close to perfect as anyone could get. I was not used to spending so much time in silence with family. Not used to watching movies, or talking, or cooking, or even doing housework together. So the farm was like a safe haven for me, a place where people came together. It was such a jarring alteration from my own home, which was cold and silent and seperate. I remember coming home from that weekend, and Dad would be on the computer, Mum would be doing housework, and Kris would be off watching television. I know that this seems like a ridiculous reason to crack, but I can’t deny that I did. After leaving such warmth and love it felt like a vital piece of happiness was missing in this place, this place I was meant to call home.”

“I can’t even begin to describe the differences between the two families. One was home, happiness, love, togetherness, and the other were strangers. Forced and uncomfortable. I don’t know if it was time spent apart, that we never got close to them, but to us the boys were no more than someone we had once known and would never know again. I have my suspicions that it was adult interaction that forced us apart – because whenever we were alone together, we got along like we’d known each other for a million eternities. I always felt bad for them, like they never got to live their life as children, the way children were meant to. But what can you do? This was their life, and their story, and I accepted the notion that I could never change that a long time ago.”

“She was more like a sister, a soul mate. I can’t even begin to describe to you the fear that was struck into my heart at any moment I thought something might have happened to hurt her. I grew up believing in the idea that I had to protect her, and for a long time there, I did. But I can’t deny now that somewhere along the way it’s turned around. She no longer needed my help, no longer needed my guidance, but that doesn’t mean that I will ever stop offering it. I can’t tell you how proud I am of her,  of the wonderfully caring and beautiful person she’s became. A fixture in my life, a stable ground, a home, a safe harbour. She’s pulled me from my darkest moments with a piece of wisdom: “Don’t focus on the people who’ve left you, but on the people who will always stand by your side, the people who love you.” From anyone else, an empty promise, a promise of loving forever and never leaving. But from her, this was a promise I believed.”

“She was braver than I, beautiful beyond words, caring, inspirational. She made me feel like anything was possible, made me believe in the idea of carrying on, and of strength. I miss her now, more than words, yet I feel like since she’s gone, we’ve gotten closer than ever before. I hope this signals a new aspect for us, a stronger relationship, one that is more lasting. Because this is a girl who I feel I could actually trust, and believe in, the way I do Lana. That kind of trust is not easy for me to comprehend, and it’s hard to build, but I believe that we can build it from the relationship we’ve started. Maybe from the hours of the darkest mornings when we’re discussing heartaches I wish she’d never had to endure, or maybe just from the magnificence of who she is, but something in this has changed, and for the better. I’m feeling hope for what we can become.”

“She was different than most, this one, if only she knew it. Heartbreakingly beautiful yet deceivingly  normal. She would never see herself, not in the way that others saw her. Maybe if she did, she’d have a little more hope. A little more courage to stand up to the world, to believe in herself and the person I knew she could be. And if she saw what I saw, then just maybe she could finally learn to love herself.”

“I’d never met someone who so defiantly struck a chord in me. I can’t even tell you if we got along at first, being so similar and yet so different, I think it would be safer to assume we probably didn’t. But there are people in life that you meet, pass, and forget years later. There are people who have been with you from the start, who are the norm. And then there are the people that you turn around and find there one day. As if they’d always been there, or as if they were meant to be. And this was her. She had faith like none I’d known before. Such a mixture of light within darkness, casting shadows with rainbows of light. Such a love of life yet such a temptation to travel the paths she doesn’t know. I feel like that no matter what path this girl walked, she would perfect it, she would go about it with grace, and poise, except she doesn’t realize she possesses these qualities. It’s in a dark way, a tragic way, like the after effects of a devastating storm, yet beautiful none the less.”

I’ll include more later, but I wanted to get those out  now.

“I would rather write her a song, because songs don’t wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her. We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don’t get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won’t solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we’re called home.”

So do me a favour and visit the website? Help to shed some light on the corners of the world that need you the most.